The End For a New Beginning

It's just between you
and me, are we going to save this ark or wreck it deep down in the
bottom of the ocean.

I close this dimension for good, to make a new beginning...

Alone #Day 9 - Fulfill The Promise

Monday 20th, I keep my promise to make choices. I close my eyes, cover my ears, shut my mouth, and close my heart from my past. So that if one day I failed to bring this ark to its final destination, nobody to blame to anyone but me.

Alone #Day 7 - Shoulder To Cry On

Saturday 18th, Arriving at my daddy house. Seem like they were very happy to knew I can spent my time together with them. I try to hide my real face in front of them, acting like there's never happen to me though my smile was fake, my laugh was forced to looks like a real. It was so hard to pretending to be happy but honestly this is my only best time I ever had.

 But I can't deceive them, they can see deep down in my eyes. They can see I was having some problem though they never ask me what is going on.
I'm sorry mom, dad, and everybody who disappointed because all I've done. I don't even know who am I really are, I just wanna take a good night sleep in their house eat my momma's cooking (anything was so delicious for me), and cry on their shoulder.

Alone #Day 6 - Single

Who said become single is easy? but also it's not too hard as long as we are aware that become single is the only choice. Actually I'm not exactly 100% single (oowwh, somebody disappointed? xixixixi *narsis.com) it's just temporary, until 24 august this year. The hard thing is, we will become alone no one we can spoke with, getting bored, and the most important thing is there's nobody serve us for dinner.

Alone #Day 5 - The Answer

Finally I found the answer, thanks to Ika Natassa for being my inspiration. Actually I already close my eyes to get some good night and long sleep this time, but her book seems like call to ask for read. Until I reach page 38 when alexandra (female character on that book) try to explain to her husband, why she remove her tatoo (just read it : Twivortiare by Ika Natassa). The answer is she need to "forget" just like I did before, declaring war to someone not because I enjoy to make conflict, but I NEED.... to "forget"

Alone #Day 4 - Gone Mad

I feel my mind is getting uncontrolled, I can't think clearly but I must survive no matter what (please don't say titanic in front of me instead I use their word *sigh). At least, these day I've got moment of fun with my friend. First we having break fasting together in Jun Njan Restaurant, then after we came back to the office, we share parcels by sweepstakes... and my friend got lucky draw haha.

The Choice

Today, I spent my last day before long weekend by having a walk with my pals at mall near the office. We have a long talk, there's a quotation from him that make me think hard.

Let say you are a professional racer, but in the reality you only have "Bajaj roda tiga" as your vehicle. What are you going to do? the choice is yours. Are you going to throw away that vehicle or you accept what you've got, and drive on with it. 

Maybe it's too extreme to be compared with "Bajaj roda tiga" at least I understand what he want to tell me,  but first of all I must close all story. From this moment I shut my ears, I shut my mouth, and I close my heart forever. I'm sorry, but I have to choose whether ride on it or throw it. Although the consequences there will be broke someone hearts, but at least not me. Believe me, broken heart will be heal by the time goes by it's just the matter of time... I must make a choice so I can go on with my life. And don't say I didn't offer the choice. You pick it up already...

Alone #Day 3 - The Invitation

My dad sent me message, he asked me if is there any possibility for me to gather to celebrate Iedul Fitri together with him, my mom and also with my brothers. That was a tough offers, but my heart still didn't find the answer of my emptiness. Even though I was hoping to come to their house, but I don't want to meet them with this face. I don't wanna show them my sadness, I don't wanna show them my sorrow, they had enough to see my tears it's just not fair for them.

Alone #Day 2 - Strange

Strange feeling I've got now. Though, my wish are become near and near. But why I feel alone? Did I need to be alone actually?
My hand was helpless, lying down between everything I dreaming of before... But now it's not help me at all. I still alone, with no hope neither faith.

Thank's Ash

I just wake up, and found my self lying between my beloved daughters. I just sit for awhile, try to remember what was happened. All I know is, I had a dream... dream about me talking to my self. You wrote some notes in my dimension, to tell me what should I do, to heal me from this pain, to acknowledge me with many experience of life. Now you're gone forever, right at the last time I saw you in the difference character.