Alone #Day 9 - Fulfill The Promise

Monday 20th, I keep my promise to make choices. I close my eyes, cover my ears, shut my mouth, and close my heart from my past. So that if one day I failed to bring this ark to its final destination, nobody to blame to anyone but me.

Alone #Day 7 - Shoulder To Cry On

Saturday 18th, Arriving at my daddy house. Seem like they were very happy to knew I can spent my time together with them. I try to hide my real face in front of them, acting like there's never happen to me though my smile was fake, my laugh was forced to looks like a real. It was so hard to pretending to be happy but honestly this is my only best time I ever had.

 But I can't deceive them, they can see deep down in my eyes. They can see I was having some problem though they never ask me what is going on.
I'm sorry mom, dad, and everybody who disappointed because all I've done. I don't even know who am I really are, I just wanna take a good night sleep in their house eat my momma's cooking (anything was so delicious for me), and cry on their shoulder.

Alone #Day 5 - The Answer

Finally I found the answer, thanks to Ika Natassa for being my inspiration. Actually I already close my eyes to get some good night and long sleep this time, but her book seems like call to ask for read. Until I reach page 38 when alexandra (female character on that book) try to explain to her husband, why she remove her tatoo (just read it : Twivortiare by Ika Natassa). The answer is she need to "forget" just like I did before, declaring war to someone not because I enjoy to make conflict, but I NEED.... to "forget"

Alone #Day 4 - Gone Mad

I feel my mind is getting uncontrolled, I can't think clearly but I must survive no matter what (please don't say titanic in front of me instead I use their word *sigh). At least, these day I've got moment of fun with my friend. First we having break fasting together in Jun Njan Restaurant, then after we came back to the office, we share parcels by sweepstakes... and my friend got lucky draw haha.

The Choice

Today, I spent my last day before long weekend by having a walk with my pals at mall near the office. We have a long talk, there's a quotation from him that make me think hard.

Let say you are a professional racer, but in the reality you only have "Bajaj roda tiga" as your vehicle. What are you going to do? the choice is yours. Are you going to throw away that vehicle or you accept what you've got, and drive on with it. 

Maybe it's too extreme to be compared with "Bajaj roda tiga" at least I understand what he want to tell me,  but first of all I must close all story. From this moment I shut my ears, I shut my mouth, and I close my heart forever. I'm sorry, but I have to choose whether ride on it or throw it. Although the consequences there will be broke someone hearts, but at least not me. Believe me, broken heart will be heal by the time goes by it's just the matter of time... I must make a choice so I can go on with my life. And don't say I didn't offer the choice. You pick it up already...

Alone #Day 3 - The Invitation

My dad sent me message, he asked me if is there any possibility for me to gather to celebrate Iedul Fitri together with him, my mom and also with my brothers. That was a tough offers, but my heart still didn't find the answer of my emptiness. Even though I was hoping to come to their house, but I don't want to meet them with this face. I don't wanna show them my sadness, I don't wanna show them my sorrow, they had enough to see my tears it's just not fair for them.

Alone #Day 2 - Strange

Strange feeling I've got now. Though, my wish are become near and near. But why I feel alone? Did I need to be alone actually?
My hand was helpless, lying down between everything I dreaming of before... But now it's not help me at all. I still alone, with no hope neither faith.

Thank's Ash

I just wake up, and found my self lying between my beloved daughters. I just sit for awhile, try to remember what was happened. All I know is, I had a dream... dream about me talking to my self. You wrote some notes in my dimension, to tell me what should I do, to heal me from this pain, to acknowledge me with many experience of life. Now you're gone forever, right at the last time I saw you in the difference character.

Selamat Tinggal Gee

Aku terdiam seribu bahasa, memandangi sosok diriku didepan kaca. Nampak jelas gurat kerutan-kerutan  dahi semakin menebal, kantung mata menggelayut menghitam seolah ingin mengutarakan titik kelelahan yang harus diemban oleh tubuhku ini. "Ada apa denganmu Gee? aku kira dengan hilangnya aku didalam hidupmu semua akan berjalan lebih baik dan tenang" gumamku pada sosok bayangan yang ada di balik kaca.

Siang di Kemanggisan

Terik sangat matahari siang ini, tanpa terasa peluh mengucur deras di kening Ash yang saat itu harus membayar jiwa sembalapnya dengan hancurnya kue kering yang seharusnya diantar dengan selamat tanpa kurang apapun (baca : The Freakin' Marry)

I Will Survive - Cake

Confession

Malam ini aku cukup lega, dapat berbicara dari hati ke hati dengan istriku. Meluapkan semua penyesalanku, dan kembali membangun komitmen dari serpihan-serpihan hati yang sudah mulai retak. Aku jadi teringat kutipan seorang motivator yang sebetulnya bagiku manusia yang terlalu sempurna tapi aku sangat respek atas dirinya

Eat - Coding - Make Love

What if someone told you that obviously you're strange, unpredictable, and stupid, is that bothering you ? if the answer yes, then you are already fuck up your own life. Everybody has to be got his own way of life. And my way of life? Eat Coding and Make Love

Seseorang Yang Mencintaimu

Aku Hanyalah Seorang Laksamana

Aku hanyalah seorang Laksamana, yang mempunyai tugas mengantar biduk ini kepulau impian apapun resiko dan konsekwensinya. Dan saat biduk mulai tenggelam, aku pasti akan bertanya kenapa, aku pasti akan memperbaiki dan coba menutup semua dinding yang retak dengan semua yang aku punyai.

Refreshment

Tak terasa sewindu telah berlalu, kulihat kau begitu terlelap setelah perjalanan yang cukup panjang dan melelahkan ini. Kusentuh lembut jemarimu, dan perlahan kuraih jemari untuk kusentuhkan pada pipiku. Terasa hangat dan lembut, walau kutahu secara fisik sangat jauh dari kesempurnaan.
Sewindu sudah jemari ini telah merawatku, tanpa pernah mengeluh ataupun menolak. Aku yang telah lupa akan siapa adanya diriku, dengan segala superioritas egosentrisnya. Tak pernah mau mengakui keberadaanmu.

Dongkol Rasa Blunder

Sudah seminggu berlalu tapi tetap saja aku merasa dongkol dan blunder atas semua yang aku kerjakan. Rasanya semua tidak dalam porsi yang benar, menjengkelkan, annoying, dan yang pasti membuyarkan konsentrasi kerjaku. Aku mungkin bukan termasuk orang yang pandai menyembunyikan masalah, karena orang dapat melihat dari ekspresi wajahku yang terkadang murung, terkadang kusam bahkan kusut gak jelas.

Sekuntum Mawar Tak Bertuan

Teriknya matahari tak menyurutkan langkah ku untuk terus menapaki jalan berdebu yang menyesakkan dada karena walau bagaimanapun perjalanan ini harus terus berlanjut berpacu dengan buliran waktu yang terus menitik tanpa pernah berhenti.

Transformasi

Jam yang tergantung di dinding sudah menunjukkan pukul satu dini hari lewat, sementara Gee masih saja berkutat dengan dokumentasi dan laporan pekerjaannya. Raut wajahnya tidak seperti biasa, terkesan kusam dan kusut. Seolah ingin menyampaikan titik kelelahan yang sudah mencapai momentum akut.

Kebahagiaan

Jika seorang insan bertanya dimana letak kebahagiaan itu, ketahuilah bahwa kebahagiaan tidak pernah tergeletak sembarangan di pinggir jalan ataupun teronggok di tumpukan sampah yang menebar bau yang tidak enak.